(no subject)

[somethingtobind]

[Filter: B

[Filter: Private]

No.

It's going to be a long time before I can write that. I don't ...

Everything is different now, isn't it? I'm not going home to the island I left. I keep catching myself thinking that. 'As soon as I get home, then at least everything will be normal, again.' No, it won't. It absolutely won't. It'll be even worse, then.

Father will make me marry her.

And he's probably right for it. Benedette was right when she said that all men are disgusting, or -- whatever it was she said, exactly. I got the point. I know it was that time. I just know it was. Before that, she was probably drinking her tea, but at that point, she'd have done anything to tie me to her. Well, she got her wish.

I just ...

Dammit. Dragons fucking dammit.

I was so close to having it all. Everything I wanted to have. Benedette and happiness and alll of it. And now I'm going home to basically the worst situation I can possibly imagine, and I brought it all on myself.

That's the worst part.

I should never have -- I should have just walked right past her and let her drink alone, that night. I just couldn't help myself, could I?

[Filter: Alma]

I might be longer getting home than I first thought. I -- it's a pain to explain, but I thought I'd be better to avoid Aeda, and it's going to take some work to find a good ship to Azudesce.

How How is How's ... Ash?